Thomas Friedman wants to cancel his subscription whenever he hears this, but the New York Times and other papers with a need to fill space occasionally resort to running my op-eds opposite the likes of Freidman, Kristoff, and Dowd. Admittedly, I wouldn't know a mujahideen from a marharaji or a fiscal policy from a friccasee, but I do know when a Christmas tree is going to spontaneously ignite in my living room, or how not to introduce a foreign head of state. Click through the sampling of my published op-eds — ideal reading for those of us with short attention spans who may not yet be ready to commit to a full book.